Help Your Child Learn from Their Mistakes
Of course we want these benefits for our children, but helping them learn from mistakes isn’t always easy, especially if we did not grow up receiving the message that mistakes are fantastic opportunities to learn, grow, discover, explore, and correct our errors. Instead, we may have experienced feelings of shame, guilt, or embarrassment over something we did. Maybe we were scolded, reprimanded, given looks of disapproval, or labeled in some way when a mistake was made.
But here’s some good news: It’s never too late to shift our mindset about mistakes, regardless of what we’ve been conditioned to believe! We do this by building our self-awareness skills. Thinking about how we learned about mistakes and how this made us feel is a great place to start. Mistakes (even the small ones) can seem devastating to a child, and it is our responsibility as adults to show that there is a positive side to getting things wrong.
Show your child that mistakes are a normal part of living, and they are opportunities to learn and grow. This helps them to develop solid self-management skills for coping with challenging emotions and situations:
- Share with your child that “We all make mistakes—we are human beings, after all!”
- Communicate that sometimes when we make mistakes, it’s important to stop and notice what feelings and emotions we are experiencing (this helps to develop a sense of self-awareness).
- Explain that we often feel guilt, shame, embarrassment, or fear when a mistake has been made, which can lead to flipping our lids and losing our cool.
- Remind your child that it’s okay to feel a certain way, but it’s not a good idea to stay stuck in a feeling if that emotion doesn’t help them to feel safe, connected, and loved.
- Help your child begin to see these situations as opportunities to develop the skills of discernment, wisdom, and good judgment, which they can put into practice the next time they face a similar situation.
These coloring pages for kids (and tips page for adults!) come straight from my book Some Days I Make Mistakes. This newest book in the Calm Cool Kids series has even more information about how to teach your kids to take mistakes and turn them into opportunities!
May you and your children be forever well, safe, healthy, and happy as you calm the heart, mind, and body together.
Join Kela as she explores the big feelings – and the wonderful possibilities – that can come from making mistakes. In this compassionate and charming story, children will learn effective, simple techniques for staying calm and cool, and discover new ways to learn and grow from their mistakes.
Kellie Doyle Bailey, MA, CCC-SLP, MMT/SELI, is a veteran speech-language pathologist of more than 30 years and a certified mindfulness/social-emotional learning (SEL) specialist. She is the founder of Calm Cool Kids Educate and provides workshops and trainings for families, educators, and community partners to learn the importance of using mindful practices as a tool for SEL development. Some days I Flip My Lid and Some Nights I Flip My Lid are her two other books.
Speaker Disclosures:
Financial: Kellie Doyle Bailey is a published author and receives royalties. She receives a speaking honorarium, recording, and book royalties from PESI, Inc. She has no relevant financial relationships with ineligible organizations.
Non-financial: Kellie Doyle Bailey has no relevant non-financial relationships.
Peter Fraenkel, PhD, is a clinical psychologist and associate professor at City College of New York. He is the author of numerous publications, including Sync Your Relationship, Save Your Marriage, and the forthcoming books, Relationships on the Brink: Last Chance Couple Therapy and The Complete Guide to Couple Therapy: From Happy to Last Chance Across the Lovespan.
Speaker Disclosures:
Financial: Dr. Peter Fraenkel maintains private practice and has an employment relationship with the City College of New York. He receives a grant for Fresh Start for Families from HELP USA and receives royalties as a published author. Dr. Fraenkel receives a speaking honorarium and recording royalties from Psychotherapy Networker and PESI, Inc. He has no relevant financial relationships with ineligible organizations.
Non-financial: Dr. Peter Fraenkel is a member of the American Psychological Association, the American Family Therapy Academy, the National Council on Family Relations, the American Professional Society on the Abuse of Children, New York Psychological Association and the Society for the Exploration of Psychotherapy.
