Proven technique helps clients and their partners overcome disconnection

Drs. John and Julie Gottman share what they’ve learned from more than 40 years of research

John M. Gottman, Ph.D., Julie Gottman, Ph.D.

In relationships, “bids” are the fundamental unit of emotional communication. They’re the small, everyday requests to connect with your partner. They can be verbal or nonverbal, big or small. It might look like questions about your partner’s day, a physical gesture or even a wink.

When one partner makes a bid for connection, the other can respond in one of three ways:
  1. Turn toward (acknowledge the bid)
  2. Turn away (ignore or miss the bid)
  3. Turn against (reject the bid outright)
Turning toward a bid nurtures emotional connection and makes people feel seen and heard.

The other two reactions sow resentment and discontent between partners and, if not addressed, can lead to the breakdown of their relationship.

Failed bids to connect are one of the major sources of conflict between people in intimate relationships.

To help your clients repair a failed bid for connection, we’re offering free Aftermath of a Failed Bid to Connect worksheets.

The 5 simple steps you’ll find in these worksheets were created based 40 years of scientific research—NOT guesswork or opinion—and have been proven to help clients and their partners overcome disconnection.

Click here to download your free resource today!

Work with individuals or couples who have experienced trauma or affairs? Then this all-new online course is for you!
Affairs and trauma both rupture the very foundation on which committed relationships are built... Making these two of the most challenging issues clinicians face.

If you’re treating someone for trauma or PTSD, and that client is in an intimate relationship, couples therapy is an essential component of treatment for the PTSD sufferer, their partner, and the relationship itself.

Not only that, but men and women both can have a PTSD response to affairs and betrayal in relationships.

Based on more than 40 years of scientific research and private practice, Drs. John and Julie Gottman now understand a great deal about the process of healing trauma—in both individuals and relationships... And they share everything they’ve learned in their all new course, The Gottman Method to Treating Affairs and Trauma: An Advanced Online Training Course.

This training has the power to transform your practice, even if you’ve never considered yourself a “couples therapist.”
Meet the Expert:
John Gottman, PhD, is Professor Emeritus of Psychology at the University of Washington, where he established “The Love Lab” and conducted much of his award-winning research on couple interaction and treatment. Dr. Gottman has studied marriage, couples, and parent relationships for nearly four decades. He has authored or co-authored over 200 published articles and more than 40 books, including: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, The Relationship Cure, Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child: The Heart of Parenting, and The Man’s Guide to Women.

World renown for his work on marital stability and divorce prediction, Dr. Gottman’s research has earned him numerous national awards, including: Four five-year-long National Institute of Mental Health Research Scientist Awards; The American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy Distinguished Research Scientist Award; The American Psychological Association Division of Family Psychology Presidential Citation for Outstanding Lifetime Research Contribution; The National Council of Family Relations 1994 Burgess Award for Outstanding Career in Theory and Research.

Dr. Gottman, together with his wife Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, is the co-founder of The Gottman Institute, which provides clinical training, workshops, services, and educational materials for mental health professionals, couples, and families. He is also the co-founder and Executive Director of the Relationship Research Institute which has created treatments for couples transitioning to parenthood and couples suffering from minor domestic violence.

Dr. Gottman has presented hundreds of invited keynote addresses, workshops, and scientific presentations to avid audiences around the world including Switzerland, Italy, France, England, Israel, Turkey, South Korea, Australia, Canada, Sweden, and Norway. A wonderful storyteller and expert, Dr. Gottman has also appeared on many TV shows, including Good Morning America, Today, CBS Morning News, and Oprah, and he has been featured in numerous print articles, including Newsweek, The New York Times, The Washington Post, Los Angeles Times, Ladies Home Journal, Redbook, Glamour, Woman’s Day, Men’s Health, People, Self, Reader’s Digest, and Psychology Today.

Learn more about their educational products, including upcoming live seminars, by clicking here.

Julie Schwartz Gottman, PhD, is the co-founder and President of The Gottman Institute, and Clinical Supervisor for the Couples Together Against Violence study. A highly respected clinical psychologist, she is sought internationally by media and organizations as an expert advisor on marriage, sexual harassment and rape, domestic violence, gay and lesbian adoption, same-sex marriage, and parenting issues. Creator of the immensely popular The Art and Science of Love weekend workshops for couples, she also designed and leads the national certification program in Gottman Method Couples Therapy for clinicians. Her other achievements include: Washington State Psychologist of the Year; Author/co-author of five books, including, Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage, And Baby Makes Three, The Marriage Clinical Casebook, 10 Principles for Doing Effective Couples Therapy, and The Man’s Guide to Women; Wide recognition for her clinical psychotherapy treatment, with specialization in distressed couples, abuse and trauma survivors, substance abusers and their partners, and cancer patients and their families.

Inspiring, empowering, respectful, and kind, Julie’s leadership of The Gottman Institute has made it possible to identify and integrate the expertise of her staff, therapists, and the wider research and therapeutic community. Her commitment to excellence and integrity assures that as The Gottman Institute grows, it continues to maintain the highest ethical and scientific standards.

She is in private practice in the Seattle area, providing intensive marathon therapy sessions for couples. She specializes in working with distressed couples, abuse and trauma survivors, those with substance abuse problems and their partners, as well as cancer patients and their families.

Drs. John and Julie Gottman currently live on Orcas Island, near Seattle, Washington. They conduct weekly and intensive couples therapy sessions, provide small group retreats, teach workshops and clinical trainings, and give keynote presentations around the world.

Learn more about their educational products, including upcoming live seminars, by clicking here.

Topic: Families and Couples

Tags: Activity | Couple Therapy | Gottman | Strategies | Success | Therapy Tools | Tools

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