Trust Revival Method

How to guide couples through the trauma of betrayal and infidelity

John M. Gottman, Ph.D., Julie Gottman, Ph.D.

Can couples recover from affairs?

Absolutely! But they may need your help... 

We developed the Trust Revival Method, based on our break-through research & clinical experience, for guiding couples through the trauma of betrayal and infidelity — to ultimately help rebuild and nurture trust in the relationship. 

In this video, we will step you through the different phases of the Trust Revival Method: Atonement, Attunement and Attachment.

Drs. John and Julie Gottman 

Topic: Families and Couples

Tags: Gottman

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Monday, January 9, 2017 5:28:49 PM | posted by denise lewis
I am interested in training and workshop information. Resources for therapy.

Monday, January 9, 2017 10:37:08 AM | posted by Catherine Genovese
In my practice I have learned the importance of 1) a thorough personality and addiction assessment of the unfaithful spouse before beginning any model of infidelity recovery, and 2) an empirical assessment of the affair, not the anecdotal type our profession has used. An example to highlight the need for both is the difference between a drunken one night office party kiss/groping in which the betrayer comes forward with remorse versus discovering a multi-year adulterous affair that involves a thousand lies and exposure of sexually transmitted diseases to a trusting spouse, and after discovery, the cause of infidelity is blameshifted onto the betrayed partner's flaws or justified by "unmet needs" of betrayer. One technical quibble from this brief PESI video clip..a couple does not have an affair. If they do, it is a polyamorous relationship. We do a grave disservice to our clients when we fail to call infidelity what it is: intimate partner abuse. But unlike overt emotional or physical abuse, the betrayed person cannot defend themselves. The real coordinates of his or her life is hidden by the person whom they most trust. Such deceit alters a person's sense of reality. I supervised an evidence based model of therapy with a couple after discovery of an affair. After 9 months of what looked like progress based on reports of less PTSD symptoms in the wife, observable remorse in the begrayer, forgiveness, etc., it was discoverd that the affair was continuing throughout the therapy. We can provide good therapy. But marital healing requires good character. At the very least, honesty. Hence the necessity for thorough assessment to rule out narcissism (overt and covert), relational sociopathy, high functioning autism, addictions, depression - the pathologies I find most common in long term affairs. Some couples can of course recover from infidelity. But we, as a profession, mislead the hurting spouse when we guarantee, or suggest a guarantee, of recovery.

Monday, January 9, 2017 7:00:54 AM | posted by
What a brilliant 5 min video on the core approach to working with betrayal /affairs . The PTSD reaction was particularly useful. Thank you Julie

Sunday, January 8, 2017 5:01:34 PM | posted by Sylvia Evans
I am interested in more info on trust revival method training!

Sunday, January 8, 2017 3:21:55 PM | posted by Gloria McCreary
This was excellent information. Validates some of what I do and expands on it with appropriate labels for stages. Thank you

Sunday, January 8, 2017 10:31:20 AM | posted by Maria zeitz
Love to hear this.